"Ordinance"

Note: For those who have never travelled to the Pacific Northwest, there is a certain state where it is illegal to pump your own gas. Why? Proponents cite job creation, among other reasons. And doesn't that rationale just beg for some really over-the-top satire?

Tony's bowels screamed like an angry kamikaze speeding toward an explosive detonation. He vowed to never again consume rest-stop taquitos. He made more upon discovering the stall was without toilet paper.

"Done in there?" a voice asked.

"Uh, yes?" Tony said.

"You gonna open up?"

"Uh, no. But I'd appreciate some toilet paper."

"Sorry, can't do that yourself here."

"Uh, why?"

"New ordinance. Job creation. Helps the economy. Now I've got regular or two-ply, your choice."

Tony chose two-ply, the only choice he could make.

When the attendant finished, he held out his hand, brown crescents beneath his fingernails. "Tip?"



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