A penny taken is a penny earned. Kirby agreed with Norman on that. And that the bellringers didn't deposit donations promptly. And on the wheres and whens -- four a.m., the world dead and sleeping.
He didn't agree with the split.
In and out, no problem. Then Kirby put the screwdriver in Norman's throat. No one marked every missing cent or cooling corpse. But turning the key in the getaway's ignition, he thought he heard a chiming roll across the face of the waking world. Imagination, surely.
Then the getaway groaned. Stalled.
Red and blue light pulsed against the rear window.
Postscript: To listen to audio of this and other stories, please download Season One of the I Saw Lightning Fall podcast here.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
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14 comments:
You efficiently capture some gruesome images, leaving you plenty of room to make this character come to life. The ending brings just desserts.
Thanks, Aidan! I hope it wasn't too gruesome. But that being said, Kirby isn't a particularly pleasant fellow. I certainly wouldn't want him for a roommate.
Hah, caught! I don't think this is too gruesome. There's a nice balance and the end made me smile. :)
Of course I don't think it's gruesome. Nice to have a Christmas infusion of noir.
There is a great flow to this piece.
Greed and betrayal; what excellent sentiments :) I'm partial to well developed villains; especially one's like Kirby, where you're sure there HAS to be something else to the story.
I'll just use my imagination for what happens next :)
.......dhole
Fantabulous ending. Well done!
Michelle,
Glad you didn't think it too gross. I don't mind intense stuff, but I like the reader to fill in the grotesque for himself.
CR,
Yay! Noir!
(I find it ironic that this piece doesn't have a ghostliness about it at all. Well, almost at all.)
Craig,
Thanks so much, sir.
Donna,
There's definitely "something else" to this one, although I'm not sure anyone has gotten it yet. The title is a hint.
Elizabeth,
Thank you!
Loved it! Of coarse, I am a goreaholic. I love your style and your drawing on mankind's primeval tendencies. A screwdriver to the throat depicts our true nature ...
A goreaholic, eh? Myself, I don't mind intense stuff in stories, but I like it when authors leave the gross bits more or less to readers' imaginations.
Yes, the screwdriver bit really does point to our innate depravity. I'm glad that came through!
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