Saturday, December 24, 2011

"It Rolls Along, The Unbroken Song"

A penny taken is a penny earned. Kirby agreed with Norman on that. And that the bellringers didn't deposit donations promptly. And on the wheres and whens -- four a.m., the world dead and sleeping.

He didn't agree with the split.

In and out, no problem. Then Kirby put the screwdriver in Norman's throat. No one marked every missing cent or cooling corpse. But turning the key in the getaway's ignition, he thought he heard a chiming roll across the face of the waking world. Imagination, surely.

Then the getaway groaned. Stalled.

Red and blue light pulsed against the rear window.

Postscript: To listen to audio of this and other stories, please download Season One of the I Saw Lightning Fall podcast here.

14 comments:

Aidan Fritz said...

You efficiently capture some gruesome images, leaving you plenty of room to make this character come to life. The ending brings just desserts.

Loren Eaton said...

Thanks, Aidan! I hope it wasn't too gruesome. But that being said, Kirby isn't a particularly pleasant fellow. I certainly wouldn't want him for a roommate.

Michelle Davidson Argyle said...

Hah, caught! I don't think this is too gruesome. There's a nice balance and the end made me smile. :)

Chestertonian Rambler said...

Of course I don't think it's gruesome. Nice to have a Christmas infusion of noir.

Craig said...

There is a great flow to this piece.

Donna Hole said...

Greed and betrayal; what excellent sentiments :) I'm partial to well developed villains; especially one's like Kirby, where you're sure there HAS to be something else to the story.

I'll just use my imagination for what happens next :)

.......dhole

Elizabeth Gaucher said...

Fantabulous ending. Well done!

Loren Eaton said...

Michelle,

Glad you didn't think it too gross. I don't mind intense stuff, but I like the reader to fill in the grotesque for himself.

Loren Eaton said...

CR,

Yay! Noir!

(I find it ironic that this piece doesn't have a ghostliness about it at all. Well, almost at all.)

Loren Eaton said...

Craig,

Thanks so much, sir.

Loren Eaton said...

Donna,

There's definitely "something else" to this one, although I'm not sure anyone has gotten it yet. The title is a hint.

Loren Eaton said...

Elizabeth,

Thank you!

Jackie Jordan said...

Loved it! Of coarse, I am a goreaholic. I love your style and your drawing on mankind's primeval tendencies. A screwdriver to the throat depicts our true nature ...

Loren Eaton said...

A goreaholic, eh? Myself, I don't mind intense stuff in stories, but I like it when authors leave the gross bits more or less to readers' imaginations.

Yes, the screwdriver bit really does point to our innate depravity. I'm glad that came through!